Birth, Truth, Transition & Sheer Pain

"Change is painful but change is the only truth"

Getting->Knowing->Realizing->Believing->Accepting-> and Transforming....are few stages of life! Every single human-being experiences it till death.

Very slowly one realizes the essence of the question "Oh God! Why Me?" is no longer a song of armagoddon or exceptional to him... This re-instills the agony and heart jolts by ear sprinkling cry in the hatred of becoming very common... because being common minimizes the scope of justice you demand from your God.

When you insist to your God for a wish with a determination that God have no option but to award your wish... God gives you no intuition of what is going to happen... Slowly various events in your life makes you realize that your wish is not worthy and so God lingered for so long. In a way to accept this bitter fact, when you re-face the God, he appears smiling and castigating you.

"If this had been your will... why you played this much big drama?" while smiling you demand an answer from your God. When your own mind starts an argument that your demand will not fall in your favor so you must not ask for it but you still like some kid keep on insisting from the God, pain quadrupole... You thrive for a place where you can blow off all that coughed in your lungs so hard so that it even blow off your life to facilitate peace for once and till eternity.

...but death is one thing never comes by choice. Times heals everything but at very such juncture of your life you even hate to get healed. Promises are shattered, values have demeaned, Honour is lost... a gross loss which never be recovered by all these heart pulses left so if it cannot be recovered, it should not be healed. Let the pain be my dear asset!

As the time passes... sooner or latter... you are left with no option but to accept Gods wish! Almighty leaves you with no option but to follow his command. In the revere of your command, oh almighty, I must for throw my feelings, Amen!

Yes you recover... Yes you start walking... and Yes soon you will regain the momentum but the pain will re-surge every time you look back at the losses you made!!!  

Re-Initialized: In the quest of Having EVERYTHING

Dil bhi ek jid pe ada hai kisi bacche ki tarah!!! Ya sab kuchh hi chahiye yaa kuchh bhi nahi!!! 

More often while talking to the young brigade of India... I happened to be advising them on several fronts of life's and its consequences. In one such famous discussion of mine I once told them

"Buddies think a lot before doing anything... and then start... but once started on anything! Do not think back or leave it in middle" 

I think many personality trainers like me would have faced as I did or perhaps I am rare one accepting that I am facing it. I.e. it is hard to follow what you preach others. Commanding others from the stage is far easier than demonstrating or exhibiting what you command.

'Living with ethical practices and just being a very good human being' is the essence of my teachings.

Too many students of mine have actually changed their behaviours with others based on my preaching. While telling all this to my beloved students I source my own inspiration from the guiding souls like Mt. Gandhi, King Luther and Dr.Kalam. These great minds have actually practiced what they preached.

...but what if your principles start getting challenged even before you begin your Mission? What if the basics of lifestyle have exponentially changed from those days of your life icons lived? What if you can visualize that the compromises with your own guiding principles are no longer effective to achieve your goals? AND MOST IMPORTANTLY that your decision is going to affect the beliefs of your students to whom you have shown the right path?

It kicks start irritation and hoblogoby of too much weird thoughts. A cacophony of many questions starts piercing ears and brings sleepless nights. Everything ceases to exist at least for that awhile. It is a very crucial time where you will either be lead to darkness of forever or will triumph to conquer the tough time.

I munched a lot, out of millions of thoughts almost none turned out to suggest that I must keep my guiding principles intact. It is then I realized the essence of many great epics. I should not call them the message of god but yes I must take them as the teachings based on the experience of being human. In one such epic I found the answer... i.e. the four rule of diplomacy... Honest way, Purchased Way, Punished way and/or Wrecked Way but in no way failure should occur.

Folks here came the solution! I.e. if the cause is right then success should be the ultimate target. There is never a wrong or a right way... It is only 'My Way' Brings miracle.

Yes I decided! Yes I am executing! Yes I will not think back.... Yes I will not regret. Yes I will bounce back! Almighty bestow thy blessings... Amen! 

----THE END----

आज  सुबह -सुबह  मेरी  किताब  के  निचे  -----THE END------------ लिख  गया -----

मन में ऐसा लग रहा था जैसे मरते वक़्त कोई इंसान को लगता होगा.... 

कान को एक अजीब सी धुन सुनाई दे रही है... सब को माफ़ कर दो सबने मुझे प्यार तो दिया ही है| और फिर सब को माफ़ कर देने की ख़ुशी होंठो को खींच देती है.. आँखे खुल कर और चमकीली हो जाती हैं| दिल में इतना प्यार भर जाता है कि धडकनों कोई जगह नहीं रह जाती| दुनिया में रोते हुए आये और दुनिया को रोते हुए छोड़ कर मुस्कुराते हुए जा रहे हैं लोगो कि यादों में अमर होकर! कुछ अधूरे ख्वाब उन रोती निगाहों में छोड़ कर जो हर बार मेरे नाम सुन कर नम हो जयेंगी|
मौत के इस एहसास को मई जीते जे महसूस कर पा रहा हूँ| और इश्वर से यहि विनीति कर रहा हु... के जीते जी लोगो को इतना प्यार दे पाऊं कि मेरी मौत मेरे जनाजे को मेरे प्यार करने वालो के हुजूम से सजा दे... 

दोस्तों रुक्सत होने कि इस घडी में आपके प्यार कि वेदना को महसूस करने कि तमन्ना है!! मेरी किताब में मेरी बरती हुई सिद्दत को अपने नजरो कि इनायत बक्श्ना| 

Snnipet from My Book : My Wise Countrymen

Kindly Give your valuable advise, suggestion and feedback!!! 

“Hi Mannu” he called me up after so many days “no contacts, no news.... where?”
You too changed buddy!” A usual round of complains “Never tired to know, I am alive or dead!”
“Common yaar... don’t use these words...”
Sorry!” he got to know why this word speared in me “How is going business?”
“So formal.... when are you coming to India?”
Next month only! Are we meeting in Prabhu's marriage?”
“oooo yes!! Yes we are meeting! Sure” I tried to goof up but seem he caught me...
Bloody bugger... You know him” he started his old expertise of making me up “he will ruin everything” he chided... “See I cannot come to Delhi... I am coming via Mumbai will directly go Jagdalpur... I hope you will be there ok!
“Ok!” It’s better to accept rather explaining
 Well... how is she??” his heart beats are audible to me from cross continent...
“... Working good... trying to so good but still missing you badly” I am worried how will Mannu react to it “.... why this happens yaar...” even my heartbeats are turning violent “why we just cannot live the way we want?” I slated my face by moist sketches rolling out from
Out of so many. It is only Mannu to whom I found compatible with my feelings... he is the only I value most...
Stop it stupid...” he too is crying “you are in office
“Idiot...” I widened my lips “my office is shielded by thick opaque glasses” I tried to show off...
Big man...” he grinned (by wiping his face perhaps) “... ass hole” and we both laughed “Ok than... meeting in poor payal’s marriage!” he likes kicking Prabhu’s ass.
“ya” meek voice again “bye take care”
He muttered for a while and then disconnected (must be breaking his head in disgust)
Remaining silent for hours... driving out of the city and smoking at some small tea stalls till time permits... it has become the only option for me to stay out of the reach of those who shows concerns and get hurt by seeing my face. Now days there is no limit how much I smoke it ranges anything from 50 to 70 a day, this excludes the office time because of daddy.
No desire left... any smiles... life is as smooth as the Delhi-Jaipur Highway. No turns, any bumps not even any complexities, plain and simple i.e. breathe, smoke and burn to get dispose off to depart beyond the limitations of physical universe. I am lying on the cot at the roadside cafe, looking the sky. It is dark, deep, and voiceless... seems universe never cries, laughs or expresses any kind of emotions but in reality there must be millions of earths and planets in the lap of this cosmos where billions of Aman would be staring up at the sky and feeling the way I am feeling here.
My mobile phone is off, empty beer bottles are cranking giving me the illusion that my phone is ringing... at this night only Farah used to call me and tell me everything she comes across in a day. Even today I can tell who all are working in her office, who brings what colour of lunch box or who usually comes in bad mood because of the fights with his spouse. Some ten odd gentlemen including her boss used to try their luck by some other impressive techniques. She used to tell that boys are fools because they never get to know that how a girl feels about their idiotic stunts to impress her. I guess those who are in love with a girl do never try a chance on other girl. Well not because they do not want to but because they are aware about the possible humility they would face in their personal world of that girl and her boyfriend or husband.  All these thoughts ran through my brain in less than a second there after I recalled that she is no more in this world. My smiles get burned... eyelids turned wet and I took a deep puff as if I want this to be a final puff to blast my lungs... but never succeeded.
Sometimes ago Visthi had sent me and SMS that reads
“A friend says: A cigarette reduces five minutes of life!!!
Another friend says...
 Buddy whenever I will be left with five minutes of life
 just help me fetch a cigarette.....! Who hell will wait so long! ”

My brain developed good skill set for calculation. A stick takes five minutes i.e. 50 sticks a day will take 250 minute in a day... A week wiil reduce a day from life... A yearlong habit of smoking will only be able to reduce two months. This implies that in order to get exhausted from life I am consuming too less. I laughed out loudly... Increase volume of consumption the manager in me demanded from the executives in me.
My wrist watch alerted me of the time limit and I started driving towards home. I am drunk badly and still smoking one after one... it is mid night and all the city entrance are being checked by metro police. It is not that Indian police is too sincere but because this is the first weekend of the month and many young employees of India do drunk and drive in the salary week. Indian police exploits this opportunity like vultures used to exploit the dead bodies because this young brigade of India have no economic liability of their homes and are having big bank balance earned by self jobs. They                 happily pay bribe and get rid of the possible humility and enjoy the thrills of drink and drive... ‘What an Idea sir ji’ said a voice from the FM radio 98.3 of my car.
 fuck’ An idiot fat and bulky police constable forced me to stop. His tainted teethes are matching by the vultures about which I just thought of.
“What?” an utter irritation and anger raged my voice
“Oye... rich dog!! Come out!!!” said the basterd
I did not take even a fraction of second to come out of ca, knocked a punch on his nose and mouth and successfully destroyed more than two front set of teeth. He is bleeding and out of his control. A few more cops captured me and jerked two solid punches in my belly!
“He used absurd words...! What is my fault?” I am in parallel trying to escape out off the cops hold but could not. Yes they are insane but not foolish and so they took me a side... I too chilled down and settled to pay Rs.5000 as a bribe and escaped in to the city.
Entire way I kept on thinking, if it is possible to wipe off all these idiotic and corrupt politics? If yes then who will? I visited Singapore... 20 times smaller than India but 100 times cleaner and transparent in their governance. Indian passport holder struggles to meet to Indian Embassy officials in any country of the world but any other passport holder gets on door service from their respective embassies. How they can manage and why we can’t even implement? Who can fix it all?

My Book: My Wise Countrymen

Days are nearing when extraction of may odds and amalgamation of many evens will take charge! 

The Rebelion: As I always wanted to be known as.... despite of many critics, hugabos and nagging and suggestions to get away form this idiotic dream... I continued to choose or rather make my own path. A path where many a times I myself have doubted on me. I posed questions to myself about the questionability of the very success of my dreams. Many failures, utter nonsense mistakes and grave-grave losses turned my thumb down. 

Many left me and to many I left! making-breaking of the relationships based upon the compatibility check with my rebelion mission. It shattered everything many things.

It happens in life that you have choose one option from many available... based on your firm decisions or compromises or merely careless choice makes you finalize one. This decision leads you to a stance where you just cannot turn back and re-opt. Life has to move on from there... A rebelion is not spared from this fact of life. I made choices based on all the three attributes and very slowly, indeed lately, I discovered my life goal. First phase of the same is ready to hit the real life. 

Through many discouraging days and years, I carved out my way to a mountain peak from where I can see 'The Dawn' has broken. My book 'My Wise Countrymen' is ready for editing and proof reading!

This book is a love story of an ultra-rich Indian young boy... Like many other young boys in India he just not wanted to think of future for any cost. Who has slowly propagated to a life ambition to proof that he have refused to believe that nothing can change the fate of India

Kindly click here to get a glimpse of my book and give me sincere feedback and suggestions.

Thank You!