Last Installment of Loss

The final instalment of loss is death!! But what if the death comes in instalments... 

A series of losses reminds bunches of mistakes made in one life. Wise people renamed the mistake with experience perhaps because everyone repeats it in their life. 

'Everything gets counted and all dues will settle here in this life only' said the saint whose voice is audible to me at this early morning. I guess somewhere a holy gathering is on... I am alone in my balcony with my cigarettes to foil the first ray of Sun with smokes as soon as it mounts to the east. 'One must remain calm and happy to truly serve the almighty' extended the saint. 

'uhh..!' an obvious ridiculing reaction came out of my mouth with loath of smokes 'calm n happy...! Bullshit!' I murmured with the exact pace of bearing smoke and fire words. 'Are emotions controlled by human souls?' I wanted to ask from that saint. I withdrew my battle with sun and rushed into shower room.

Shower sprinkles warm droplets on my face which shuns my enigma of being enemy of all. I untapped the blow to retain the maximum ‘me’ from me. Droplets began hammering on my skin as if it wanted to punish me for the loss which has been slapped on my fate for almost no reason. This act slowly mixed my tears among the million tasteless droplets coming out of two dead fountains. My cheeks slated by salted water turned on for the most satisfying naturopathy of pain... for hours neither the shower nor the dead fountains stopped spewing. Everything ends... perhaps the end ends too so is the tears.    

While looking at the two swollen eyes in mirror, I buttoned my shirt. Hell long schedules will keep me away from me, which is the only reason I keep myself on office timings. Mamma is coming upstairs with the breakfast, I guess dad has left for the office before me today... everyone in family knows what is wrong today and so everyone of them are trying to behave as normal as possible to keep me away from all that beautiful which are lost from my life... perhaps from today onwards, I will declare it the permanent loss...

Mamma often enters the room after a short knocking so I hurriedly plugged goggle on my eyes and began fixing the tie knot.

Aman....!” she began
Yes Ma...?
When everything is known to everybody, nothing suitable comes out of mouth which facilitates silence to let the warmth of relationship prevail...

She is still staring at me via mirror, I am mocking to fix the tie... she tried hard but finally a tear drop rolled out off her eye...
Mamma...!” I leaped to console her but she has broken now
How hard it is to limit ours when our loved ones are weeping loud for our pain? I looked upward to demand the answer from God!!!! A sound from that same loudspeaker dragged my attention ‘have faith, he is listening...!

I forced mommy to take breakfast with me because I know she takes nothing ones I and dad left. Eating from the same plate with mother reminded me of my pre-nursery days, when I used to refuse and she used to force me to eat.... time always boomerangs uh!

I zapped into my car, swilled the ignition key which in turn pushed on the Radio FM... While zooming out of the main gate of my house, RJ Charu reminded of today’s date ‘28th December 2012’ she requested her listeners to call her for telling how special this day is...

She sketched a painful smile again ‘special....!’ I murmured

If Farah could have survived that accident, it would have been our marriage today....! Charu you are right, this day is indeed special and I must be happy...



The pain become intolerable when FM played the same track loved by me and Farah both ‘..... pehla nasha, pehla khumar.....”

2 comments:

varuna said...

its simply beyond words.....all i can say love is unconditional!!!!!!!
Ma good wishes wid ur wonderful work.
All the very best.U have beautifully portrayed ur feelings n i must say expression is sumtyms mus in our lives.

Rahul Patil said...

Life plays the game with us without letting us know the rules of this Shit Game; on the contrary if we know the rules already then it would not be so much thrilling, full of excitement, Joy, beauty and of course including unbearable pain.

No one can understand or make us free from this pain which only the concern human being experience and if someone can, hardly one or two. Its really meaningless if i say someone can forget this; but till what time our soul and shoulders can bear this? We are born with the dues we have to pay to our parents, society and humanity.

The best probable one can do; be happy, make himself lighter so that at least we can smile and the counterpart will also do automatically the same!!!

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